New Review: Final Destination 5 3D

So, after Christmas, a hungover and cranky Santa brought me a belated gift in the form of a new 59" 3D television.  Though initially ambivalent about the 3D feature, I have found it to be universally better than 3D effects in the theater.  I tell you that to tell you this - Final Destination 5  is better than you think it is.  After watching every 3D movie I could get my mitts on, I came to the conclusion that, not only do I like this technology, but horror movies are having the most fun with it.  So, for you 2D-centric folks (and you people sicken me), some of the positives in this review will relate to the 3D.  You've been warned.

The Final Destination franchise has a pretty basic formula: vision of a crazy accident, manic protagonist (in this case Sam Lawton as played by Nicholas D'Agosto) has a hissy fit and saves himself and his friends/colleagues from the disaster in the vision.  Then, Death, who hates to get short shrift, stalks the stinking cheaters and kills them in elaborate ways.  Pretty basic, very utilitarian, but it works. 

In this installment of the Rube Goldberg-esque series, Sam witnesses the collapse of a suspension bridge while he and his co-workers are off to a company retreat.  He and his recent ex-girlfriend, Molly (Emma Bell), survive the devastation along with Best Friend, Best Friend's Girl, Hot Friend, Black Guy, the Office Jerk and the Boss.  We're not here for razor wire-sharp characterization are we? 

As you would imagine, the pretty young co-workers begin dying in horribly elaborate ways, which leads to the biggest downside of the film - the characters' discovery of their peril.  This is, admittedly, difficult to manage, and it doesn't take long for them to grasp the nature of their dilemma, but it is a bit of a slough for the Final Destination-initiated viewer.  When we know far more than the characters on screen, it drains some of the tension from the movie as a whole.  There is a nice wrinkle I don't recall from other entries in the franchise in which, if you happen to have someone die near you when your number is up, you get the rest of their life.  That presents a new dimension of morality, where one could, theoretically, kill a stranger and have Death pass by your door.

Speaking of slowdowns, the final confrontation between Sam and Molly and another character determined to live, by which I mean kill Molly to steal her remaining time, is a letdown.  While much of the film displays a morbid ingenuity, this third act showdown feels less energetic and clever than the previous two acts, but is redeemed by a fun little twist in the film's final moments.

But let's talk about the mayhem.  The initial bridge scene is a doozy and one of the more epic-feeling disasters in the series.  The best since, perhaps, the insane car pile-up of FD 2.  With the film shot natively in 3D, and with director Steven Quale at the lens, who shot second unit for a little 3D movie called Avatar, the effects truly do enhance the chaos of the bridge collapse, including one 'comin' atcha' gag that brings a smile to the face.  The following death scenes are an exercise in teasing the viewer.  We know that, when Best Friend's Girl begins doing gymnastics on those parallel bars with the loose screw, Death is about to come knocking.  But Quale and writer Eric Heisserer know we know, so they play with everything in the environment, giving us these deadly ingredients and toying with how these elements will ultimately come together.  The same move was used in FD 2 to equally good effect.

At the end of the day, you've seen this movie.  You know people are going to die in freakish ways, you know that these characters will meet their makers in a particular order and your job is to sit back and be entertained by it all.  And, you know what?  I was.  Thoroughly entertained.  The acting is a step up from the previous film, the effects are fun and the 3D actually does enhance the viewing experience.  If you enjoyed the first two in the series, give this one a spin.  It's a perfect compliment to the series, but let's not overstay our welcome, okay, Final Destination?

New Review: BreadCrumbs

I regularly comb through the low-budget, indie garbage that makes up a large portion of Netflix's Instant Watch library in search of hidden treasures. They're rare, but they do exist, and as a writer who adores film, I take great pleasure in spreading the word about gems I find. When Bo kindly gave me permission to write up another review for Last Blog on the Left, I delved once more into the deep end of Instant Watch and came out with Breadcrumbs, a horror film about a porno shoot in an isolated cabin in the woods and a pair of creepy kids that crash the party. Did I give Breadcrumbs a chance simply because the plot involved a porno shoot? Yes, yes I did.

To be honest, I don't like when films are overly sexual just for the sake of being so. I like naked women, and I don't shy away from nude scenes, but when I'm watching a film, I see them as more of a distraction than anything else. Fortunately, this isn't high art, which is exactly why it has gratuitous nudity in the first place!

While shooting a porn in the woods, the crew come across a pair of unusual kids who evoke Hansel and Gretel more than a few times. Aside from their general unsettling nature, they seem harmless. However, by the time we reach the film's climax (see what I did there), we've got more than a few dead porn stars on our hands.

The one thing that Breadcrumbs does right is deliver a pair of genuinely creepy antagonists. These kids will make your skin crawl and credit has to be given to both the actors and probably the creative team as well. Unfortunately, Breadcrumbs also gets a lot of things wrong. The characters are hard to take seriously and the shoddy acting certainly doesn't help. The main character is a walking horror cliché, refusing to see danger that's right in front of her face. And while the plot will make do for anyone looking to fill a slasher need, it's still straightforward to a fault. And then the film refuses to end, with each scene getting progressively worse, and to be honest, I'm still not sure what the hell happened in the final scene.

 

I've seen worse films than Breadcrumbs while navigating the murky depths of horror schlock, but I've also seen far, far better. Breadcrumbs is what it is, which is a film that will satisfy only the easiest-to-please slasher fans.

Guest author Dylan Duarte will never follow a trail of breadcrumbs. When he’s not lost in the woods, he’s sitting at his computer, writing about Halloween costumes. He can be reached at dylnduarte@gmail.com.

New Review: Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings

Been away for a while doing uber-creative things, but the holidays are done, work is complete and it's time to tackle some horror viewing, gang.  First up, the third sequel to the hillbilly cannibal film Wrong Turn, this one subtitled Bloody Beginnings.  One would assume this is a prequel of sorts, and the first few minutes certainly serve in that capacity, but this is, at heart, a routine entry into the franchise that does little to illuminate the mythology of the series.

Speaking of the beginning of this film, we're shown, sort of, the "Bloody Beginnings" hinted at in the title, as we see the young versions of One-Eye, Saw Tooth and Three Finger in a mental hospital, where they are diagnosed as "crazy."  It's essentially a tool to set up a new setting for these characters, the mental hospital itself.  The teenage cannibals get free, thanks to some clever lock-picking, and bring hell to the halls of the institution.  It's a particularly mean-spirited and sadistic rampage, but, I suppose, that's what people are coming to these films for at this point.

Flash forward to the present day and a bunch of kids who enjoy drugs and sex and cracking wise are on their way to a cabin for a ski weekend.  They hop on their snowmobiles and inevitable make a ... DUM DUM DUM!... wrong turn, which lands them at the local abandoned mental institution.  In relatively short order, the cannibals, who have apparently taken up residence here, start stalking our would-be fornicators and eating them as, and I quote, some kind of f**ked-up fondue.

Look, this isn't a great movie, so let's point out some positives before descending into snark.  First of all, the effects are mostly practical, which takes some of the curse away from some pretty weak CGI.  There's a pretty good gag involving an auger and an abdomen, which was surprising, and the lighting is basic but effective, throwing some fun color schemes of blue and green around the mostly-white institution.

So, that's the good.  I won't obsess over everything that is wrong or disappointing about this movie, but I'll hit the highlights.  The acting... not the best.  Some of the line deliveries are rough, folks.  This is not an ensemble of Altman-esque caliber, but rather some pretty people who say stuff.  No one expects Shakespearean precision, but that doesn't change the cringe-worthy turns from some of these performers.

The script.  One thing that infuriates me as a viewer is the tendency to allow teenagers/young adults to behave like lobotomized apes when making life or death decisions.  Par example, at one point in the film, our heroes have managed to lure and detain the three cannibal killers in a cell.  They leave them to hunt for spark plug wires (don't get me started on that), guarded by one of the guys who assures our cannibals that he will kill them.  Then, he falls asleep.  Why just leave one guy?  Why not some kind of back-up?  These are the mutants who killed and devoured two members of your group and you're cool with putting one dude on guard detail and assuming this will all work out?  And there's a whole lot of screaming about how "We have to get out of here!"  It's a lazy script that doesn't push the Wrong Turn films in any direction besides down the drain.

 Most of the fault lies in the hands of writer/director Declan O'Brien, who has made most of his bones from doing SyFy channel movies of the week, such as Monster Ark, Rock Monster, and directing the now-infamous Sharktopus.  Wrong Turn 4 belongs in that company.  It's a lazy, uninspired, disappointing sequel in a franchise that probably needs to go away now.  We enjoyed your shenanigans, deformed hillbilly cannibals.  It's time for you to go to that great long pork buffet in the sky.

Coming Soon: The Woman

The Woman may be in my top three to see this fall, and the soundtrack is now available, as of October 4th, for your ear-hole pleasure.  With music from Sean Spillane, the soundtrack is suitably dark, and you can get the album from iTunes here, Amazon, or from your friendly neighborhood music store.  The Woman premieres on October 14th.

To get you all primed for listening pleasure, check out the trailer for Lucky McKee's The Woman.

You can see more at the official website, www.TheWomanMovie.com.

Coming Soon: Atrocious Available October 25th!

Coming to DVD and Digital Download on October 25th, Atrocious is the directorial debut of Spanish helmer Fernando Barreda Luna.  Atrocious excerpts found footage from a film reel recovered by Spanish police, documenting a family of five discovering the truth behind a dangerous urban legend. The 37 hours of found footage follow Cristian and July Quintanilla passing time at their summer home by investigating a terrifying and mysterious urban legend. As their investigation intensifies, strange occurrences in and around the house escalate rapidly, culminating finally in unspeakable atrocities.

The film is produced by Octavi Martínez, David Sanz, and Jessica Villegas Lattuada. ATROCIOUS is a Nabu Films and Silencio Rodamos Producciones production.

Enjoy the trailer!

So, super-spooky.You can pre-order the DVD now at Amazon by following this link.  It's just that easy!  If that's not enough, check out some stills for the movie below.

To sate our curiosity further, you can find more details at the film's website here.