New Review: BreadCrumbs

I regularly comb through the low-budget, indie garbage that makes up a large portion of Netflix's Instant Watch library in search of hidden treasures. They're rare, but they do exist, and as a writer who adores film, I take great pleasure in spreading the word about gems I find. When Bo kindly gave me permission to write up another review for Last Blog on the Left, I delved once more into the deep end of Instant Watch and came out with Breadcrumbs, a horror film about a porno shoot in an isolated cabin in the woods and a pair of creepy kids that crash the party. Did I give Breadcrumbs a chance simply because the plot involved a porno shoot? Yes, yes I did.

To be honest, I don't like when films are overly sexual just for the sake of being so. I like naked women, and I don't shy away from nude scenes, but when I'm watching a film, I see them as more of a distraction than anything else. Fortunately, this isn't high art, which is exactly why it has gratuitous nudity in the first place!

While shooting a porn in the woods, the crew come across a pair of unusual kids who evoke Hansel and Gretel more than a few times. Aside from their general unsettling nature, they seem harmless. However, by the time we reach the film's climax (see what I did there), we've got more than a few dead porn stars on our hands.

The one thing that Breadcrumbs does right is deliver a pair of genuinely creepy antagonists. These kids will make your skin crawl and credit has to be given to both the actors and probably the creative team as well. Unfortunately, Breadcrumbs also gets a lot of things wrong. The characters are hard to take seriously and the shoddy acting certainly doesn't help. The main character is a walking horror cliché, refusing to see danger that's right in front of her face. And while the plot will make do for anyone looking to fill a slasher need, it's still straightforward to a fault. And then the film refuses to end, with each scene getting progressively worse, and to be honest, I'm still not sure what the hell happened in the final scene.

 

I've seen worse films than Breadcrumbs while navigating the murky depths of horror schlock, but I've also seen far, far better. Breadcrumbs is what it is, which is a film that will satisfy only the easiest-to-please slasher fans.

Guest author Dylan Duarte will never follow a trail of breadcrumbs. When he’s not lost in the woods, he’s sitting at his computer, writing about Halloween costumes. He can be reached at dylnduarte@gmail.com.